More life and death

The garden is starting to grow! All around are little leaves of spinach, lettuce, cucs, and carrots. Yay! I have to finish the fence so those little bunnies don't get in...

One of our little lambs passed away yesterday. It's unfortunate, especially in community. People want you to do everything you can, and as a farmer I know when I can and when I can't. Trying to get that across to everyone is hard.  I try not to Monday morning quarterback myself, because I can't save every animal that gets sick.  It's just another lesson for me and my toolbox. Lambs can go downhill fast, and this little guy didn't get a good start. 

It's a balance for me to show that I care about the situation, but also that this is part of the the life of farming.  It's a lesson of letting go for all of us.

Confessions of a Theraputic Farmer

Today we put Bullvinci back in with his lady friends. This is the before shot, where he was munching on some grain and the cows looking through the fence to him. He's one happy bull.

It's difficult, farming in the environment I'm in.  Working with the residents, each with mental illness or an addiction or in some cases both, I just want to make the work meaningful for them, therapeutic.  Today we had to bring all the cows in and sort them into two groups - the brood (breeding) cows and the yearlings.  It's difficult as it is with trained farmers, but it's a whole new dimension when you are trying to teach someone in the moment how to move a cow, when to open one gate and close another, and be clear about what you are doing and why.  The residents have slow reaction times, have never worked with animals (let alone big animals), and you want them to feel helpful and calm.  So you have to be helpful and calm.  I'm proud with how today went and everyone seemed good at the end of the day.  But it was hard keeping relaxed yet strict for the residents and the staff members. 

Farming this way is not like making a desk, where the person can see a final product.  It's not like cooking a meal or planting and harvesting vegetables.  The process is slow.  90% of the time you are not even physically working with an animal - you're setting up a new pasture, your mucking poop, your building a fence.  All these things are hard for people to see the use.  I think that's why I love dairy so much, because you are working with the cow every single day.  It's not just raised to eat which is biggest problem I've come to recognize, especially since working at the Ranch.  The residents are there for such a short amount of time in respect to a world of farming, they just see the immediate fate - death.  They have a hard time grasping the idea that you are raising an animal in a humane way, growing meat that's healthier than the typical ground meat at the grocery store.  How do you get that across in 3 to 6 months?

I'm more determined than ever to make the experience for the residents on the farm crew meaningful.  That they feel useful, that they feel the therapy all parts of the work is providing for them.  And when they do leave, they remember the way they treated the animals they grew and ate and make thoughtful decisions when they have to buy dinner.

And tonight for dinner I made some roasted carrots with chili and cumin. There was suppose to be lime juice but I had none. It was pretty tasty, a nice way to spice up rabbit food, and went well with the ham I made.  I can't wait for my garden to start producing vegetables!  My fingers are crossed that it works.

Garden

Today I planted my very first garden.  I'm so excited!  We had gardens growing up, but I was never really into it.  

I didn't get a picture of the whole thing, because there's really not much to see right now.  But in the picture there are tomatoes and peppers.  Further to the right (out of the shot) are leeks and onions (similar I know, but my dad wanted onions and I prefer leeks).  In the middle there is spinach, lettuce, carrots, green beans and cucumber seeds.  I'm a little nervous about the carrots and cucs, I don't know if it's to late to start cucs and carrots from seeds.  But this is all a new experience for me, so there will be joys and sorrows and learning experiences.  I didn't think today and did not get fencing, so I'm probably going to be picking up some tomorrow and heading to the house before the rabbits really get at the plants.  But if worse comes to worse, I can get more starters - the Ranch has a whole bunch of starters that they didn't need.  Woo woo!  Free plants!

I'm so excited about this adventure.  I hope it goes well!  It was a lot of work.  Next year I'm totally getting a rototiller.

 

First Hay Field...Done!

Whoa.  What a day.  My farm assistant and I successfully baled our first hay field of the season, no machinery broken.  It was PERFECT conditions today.  I guess the true test is later this winter to see if the bales held or if they got moldy.  I don't think they will, maybe a few because there were a few wet spots.  But because haying is a community activity, we have to have it done by 4 o'clock (ideally).  Most farmers would have started baling around 2 o'clock today when the grass is surely dry.  We started baling at 11:30.  Fingers crossed!

It was pretty amazing.  I had been on the tractor for 2 hours already, when I came up over the hill and the community had pulled up in 5 different trucks, jumped out, and started piling bales together  What a wonderful sight, what a wonderful feeling.  People seemed really into it.  Lets hope that stays, as we have about 2,600 more bales to do this summer!  Today's count was 394 on about 5 acres.

I feel good.  I feel like a farmer, finally.  I mean I always have been a farmer, but there were big pieces I felt I was lacking - mechanical/equipment experience, full haying experience, proper fencing experience.  I am by far no expert, but it feel like it is all starting to come together a little bit at a time.  And this morning at 5:30 when I was walking through the field, I felt a pretty deep connection to the land and to the sun.  I've never had that before.  

Ok, off to bed.  Another early morning tomorrow.

First Hay of the Season

Today was a little chaotic.  It was my first day without the former farm manager as his last day was last Friday.  Monday came in like a lion, that's for sure.

It started out by the jack on the livestock trailer (full with six 250 to 300 pound pigs) not wanting to work - I could not spin it down onto the hitch of the tractor.  With help from maintenance and two hours later, we got it working.  Talk about having to go with the flow.  By then it was 11:30 and decided that I'd stay for lunch and leave at 1:00, since the pigs didn't have to be there until 5:00.  

The day was turning out to be a beautiful one, and with two more to follow.  All I could think about was how I should be haying.  So the Farm Crew Niche said he'd take the pigs so I could hay.  Woo woo!  I was a little nervous, but I knew I just had to go for it.  This field mowed today is the toughest field that we have, full of ledge rock.  But I went nice and slow and mowed my 2nd hay field ever.  And tractors are starting to click with me - I was able to work the differential brakes to my advantage, learn how to round corners so I wouldn't miss grass.  I felt like a farmer today!

Here is the field before:

And here's after:

So with the bumps in the road this morning, I consider it a very successful day.  Monday went out like a lamb.

A Late TGIF

I've been kind of down in the dumps this week.  I have a hard time with transitions, more than I like to admit.  And it's always easier said than done to "be yourself" and just relax into situations and people.  I'm having a hard time staying in touch with old friends and I'm trying to make new friends.  bbaahh.

But tonight was good.  I was a little grumpy today, but a good talk with Mom and a night with people I work with in a different environment I'm seeing things in a brighter light.

How Am I Trusting?

I'm trusting exercise.  As I said I was grumpy today, and I forced myself to go for a run.  Even though it was a 2 mile jog, I felt so much better afterwards.  Why do I always forget how running makes me feel?  No matter what mood I'm in, I always feel happier, lighter.  I am trusting that I need to take care of myself in this way - not only for physical health but mental health.  
 
How Am I Grateful?

I'm grateful for this experience I'm going through.  Even though it's hard and seems never ending.  I've been in transition mode since last July!  I start to question everything I'm doing, start to wonder if I'm doing what I should be and where I should be and if I'm even happy with what I'm doing.  But without these moments, I would not have a chance to really practice a mindful, calm approach.  I'm forcing myself to really break things down, instead of just reacting to my feeling in that moment.  I'm grateful for the chance to practice/test my strength.

I'm also thankful for my parents.  It's so nice to be so close to them, especially in this transition I'm going through.  Even though I was grumpy with my Dad today, he's still my father and tries his best for me.  I'm happy I can always call my Mom and she says the right things to make me feel a little better.  

How Am I Inspired? 

I'm inspired by experiences.  Tonight I finally got to hang out with people from the Ranch for the now former Farm Manager's going away party.  Every experience is a learning moment.  I'm learning how to be OK with who I am.  Tonight was a dance party.  I do love to dance, but I wasn't feeling it for most of the night.  And you know what, that's OK!  I don't have to be the one out there in the middle of the dance floor, I don't have to be the one dancing in the corner.  But I can be the one in the middle or in the corner, or right where I was tonight, chatting with people, watching the dancers, laughing.  Every experience inspires me to be ok with just who I want to be in that very moment.


How Am I Practicing Faith?

Tonight I took a ride in the back of a 1963 baby blue Chevy.  It's been so long since I road down back roads in a pickup.  I felt very happy and calm.  It's those unexpected moments that give me faith that I'm doing OK.  

 

 

Pigs are Stubborn Animals

Today we had to move the 6 pigs out to the corral, where it's easier to load them.  On Monday they are going to market.  Animals are funny.  The pigs were so excited to go outside, but they were so afraid of the grass.  There is a little grass patch between the concrete pad that runs outside of the barn and the corral.  You would think they'd be all happy to walk around on something soft.  But nope.  They'd much rather stay with what they know.  We tried patiently to push the pigs out, the crew and I standing behind the pigs with boards, moving up as they moved closer to the grass.  But they were not having it.  We knew we'd just have to wait them out, until one brave little pig was curious enough to step on the grass. One finally was, but the others were still a little slow to follow.  About 30 minutes later they all came on to the grass and we were able to close the gates behind them.  Soon enough they went into the corral.  They were very happy to sprint back and forth - they haven't had that much space to run in ever (unfortunately)!  

Some very sad news today.  One of my favorite dogs passed away last night.  I was told of the news this morning.  Ava was a dog of my close friends, and I was able to become very close to her.  She was a beautiful German Shepherd, and we formed quite a bond.  Her owners would tell me stories about how she would suddenly start whining, jumping around, barking a little and they couldn't figure out why.  Then about one or two minutes later I would appear.  Whenever I went over to walk her, she would be so excited her teeth would chatter!  Even after not seeing her for about 5 months in April and I went to walk her, it was like I had never left - she still remembered me.  We had some wonderful adventures in the woods at the Farm and good, hard runs on the three mile loop around her house.  I remember one time someone else had been watching her while her owners where away.  One morning about three people came running to me to tell me that she was out.  I ran outside and saw her immediately, walking up into the woods outside of the Main House.  "Ava, come!" I yelled.  She looked right at me and came running, so happy to see me, so happy to be roaming around.  She followed me back to the house, where her dog sitter was a little surprised by her escape.  I'm so grateful for the trust her owners had in me to let me take her out, and so grateful for Ava's trust in me.  Shepherds are one loyal dog.  I'm so sad about her death, I have been crying on and off for most of the day.  I knew I loved her, but I guess I'm a little surprised by my emotion of her death.  I suppose I felt in some little way she was my dog too.  Now, more than ever, I know I need to get a dog of my own.  I did talk to my roommate tonight who knew my bond with Ava.  She's supportive of me getting a dog - woo woo!  I just hope I can find one where my connection will be as strong as the one I had with Ava.

RIP sweet Ava.