"To be fearless isn't really to overcome fear. It's to come to know it's nature."

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The journey of a single woman, farming and living life without judgement.

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

And This Little Piggy

Some of you may have seen the picture of the little piggy I posted on Facebook.  His mother is a first time mother, and she did not do so hot.  She farrowed a week ago (I talked about it for a second in my post "Monday Monday.")  She ended up having 10.  But 2 died, and 4 she sat on.  This little bugger she was trying to kill.  He was lucky and saved by two members of the Recreational Therapy team where I work.  So now he's hanging around my office, getting under my feet.  He's fun to have around, but I desperately need to come up with a plan for him - the office is not going to work as a permanent home unfortunately.





He's a cutie that's for sure!  He is so hungry all the time.  Then you feed him a couple of ounces and he passes out for about an hour. Then he's running around asking for more food again.  DEFINITELY cannot stay in the office forever.

He's good company in the mean time :) 

Sunday, February 24, 2013

TGIF

My TGIF post is a couple days late.

How Am I Trusting?

I am trusting that I can always come back home if I need too. I spent the weekend back in VT, and it's great to trust that no matter what happens to me right now, I can always come home.

How Am I Grateful?

I'm grateful for home. Being surrounded by people who really believe in me is wonderful. Yeah I know they are my parents and they kind of have too, but at the same time they don't. They choose too. That's wonderful.

How Am I Inspired?

I'm inspired by my motivation for something better. I'm doing everything I can to start my new journey, probably becoming a little obsessed, thinking of every possible scenario. But I'm determined.

How Am I Practicing My Faith?

Like I said, I may be becoming a little obsessed about planning my future. So I'm forcing myself to take one step at a time. And cross all the hypothetical bridges I'm thinking of when and if I get there. There's nothing else I can do.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Another Moment of Great Ingenuity

We haven't had the best ways to feed our sheep.  We'll put out a round bale, and then they just climb all over it and waste half of it by laying or pooping in it.  They sell these round bale rings that you can take pieces out so as the bale gets smaller the ring gets smaller.  But they are a few hundred dollars.  And the way things around here are lately, we're lucky to get feed for the animals (speaking of which, I need to call and harass some people tomorrow about getting some pig feed...)

I'm tired of the sheep wasting half a bale - it cost $45! So I did some research and found you can make your own hay ring for a fraction of the cost.  Just buy some clips and a 16 foot cattle panel and you're good to go!  $22.00 for this thing!  Awesome!

First we took the panel and rolled it around a round bale.  Then we tied it together, pulled it off the bale, and let it sit for an hour to get the shape.
Then we cut the panel in thirds.  With the clips you can clip all three pieces together - easier to move and you won't loose pieces!
Voila! The sheep can crawl all over it and waste a bale.  And, more sheep can actually get around it.  Perfecto!!

It's times like this when I love what I do.  But, I'm not going to lie - I don't think I want to do it here anymore.  Hopefully soon we'll have some answers on what is going on.  But another day has passed and we are still left in the dark.  It's pretty miserable out there.

But the sheep are much happier.  

Monday, February 18, 2013

Monday Monday

I had the best day at work today.  Why?  Because it was just me.  Woo Woo!  No one else was around.  President's Day!  It was a beautiful, cold, quiet day.  Just me and the animals (all 206 of them).  I miss doing chores all the time!  Yes, I do some chores, but that's mostly Peru's job.  Sitting around writing reports all winter has made me feel a little lazy physically.  I'm happy I got to run around all day, even if it was for 11 and 1/2 hours.  I miss being that active farmer.  Well, I will be getting my wish soon enough, since my team will be cut in half as of April.  Woo woo Lakes and I all summer long.  Awesome... We'll be having days like this every day, then I'll be writing on here complaining.  But I'm sure we won't be managing 206 animals unfortunately.  Or fortunately depending on how you want to look at it.

Here are some pictures from the day!!


Good Morning!
















This is actually from yesterday, but whatever.  It's frost on the door of the spinach greenhouse!  Mother Nature at her best!
 Piglets!  So far there are 8.  We'll see how it turns out later! (So 214 animals and counting...)













 Me at the end of this crazy day.

Friday, February 15, 2013

TGIF

I don't think I've done a TGIF posting in FOREVER.

How Am I Trusting

I am trusting my instincts.  As you know, things at work are not going well and I'm trying to plan my future.  I know what I want to do.  And that's a wonderful feeling (sorry I'm not really sharing it yet, because I don't want to jinx myself hehehe).  I can say that my plans could led to big changes, and I couldn't be more excited.

How Am I Grateful?

I am grateful for my supportive friends and family.  With the crazy upheaval of my job, and not being certain of my future, I've been able to call old friends who have offered their help.  I have been able to feel the support of new friends too.

I am also so grateful for the little things in life.  Last night I went to Deere's house where his mom was hosting "Rise Above", a worldwide event in the support of fighting violence against women.  It was wonderful to just dance and shake everything out from the past couple of weeks.  Then afterwards, I wanted to get some food.  Then Deere called me too see how I was doing.  I told him I was going to get food and he was too!  So we met up and got some food together.  It's the little, random, unplanned things in life that make it wonderful.

How Am I Inspired?

I am inspired by my past.  I remember who I was.  I remember what I loved to do, what I could handle, what I went through, what I wanted.  I'm using the last three years to make sure I take care of myself during this interesting time.

How Am I Practicing My Faith?

The past couple of weeks have been putting my faith to the test.  But I've been doing it, and doing it well.  It feels so wonderful to just be able to break things down and breath.  To talk myself down from whatever mental ledge I might be on because I know everything happens for a reason.  



  


Thursday, February 14, 2013

Cryptic

I'm not going to lie. Things are not going well at my job at the moment. It's quickly turning into the job I left, which is turning me into the person I left. I'm trying my hardest to stay positive, but the future is not holding a very bright light for Lakes and I - it's quickly becoming very unsustainable by decisions not made by us. I keep taking A LOT of deep breaths. I have wonderful plans for myself. The question is, how long can I stay here, either by choice or no choice? I know this sounds pretty cryptic, but I think most of you know what's happening!

Positive picture for the day - it's a beautiful morning!!



Monday, February 11, 2013

Ew.

The Monster Librarian sent me this article tonight.  Talk about gross.  and remember - this isn't just a problem in China, but the world.  Also, yay for compost! (Read on to find out.)

Pig Manure Reveals More Reason To Worry About Antibiotics

Pigs at a farm in Beijing peer out at visitors. Half of all the pigs in the world live in China. 
Pigs at a farm in Beijing peer out at visitors. Half of all the pigs in the world live in China.

There's a global campaign to force meat producers to rein in their use of antibiotics on pigs, chickens and cattle. European countries, especially Denmark and the Netherlands, have taken the lead. The U.S. is moving, haltingly, toward similar restrictions. Now the concerns about rampant antibiotic use appear to have reached China, where meat production and antibiotic use have been growing fast.

Half of all the pigs in the world live in China — a consequence of the country's swelling appetite for pork. And like pork producers in many other countries, Chinese farmers have turned to antibiotics and other feed additives to control disease in their herds and also to make the animals grow faster.

The exact extent of antibiotic use in Chinese agriculture is unknown, because authorities don't monitor it. But researchers have sometimes found disturbingly high levels of antibiotic residues in manure from Chinese pig farms.

A study published Monday by the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences adds to evidence that antibiotic use by Chinese pork producers poses health risks. According to the study, manure from pig farms doesn't just contain antibiotic residues. It also carries high concentrations of bacteria that are resistant to antibiotics. This increases the risk that antibiotic resistance will move into bacteria that infect humans, and the resulting diseases will be more difficult to treat.

But there's also good news. Scientists from the Chinese Academy of Sciences, who took the lead in the new study, are increasingly aware of the problem and looking for ways to fight it. They invited James Tiedje, a microbiologist from Michigan State University, to join their effort.

"They were quite forthcoming," Tiedje tells The Salt.

The Chinese scientists monitored antibiotic residues in manure from three different pig farms. They found plenty, but not at exceptionally high levels.

Tiedje then tested those manure samples, looking for genes that make bacteria resistant to particular antibiotics. That's when he hit the jackpot: He found more than 100 different resistance genes. The concentration of resistance genes was almost 200 times higher in these samples, compared to manure from a pig farm that had never used antibiotics.

"We're not trying to single out the Chinese here. This is a global problem," says Tiedje. Similar levels of antibiotic residues, for instance, have been found in manure on European farms.

The study indicates that treating the manure after it leaves the farm can significantly reduce the potential for this manure to spread antibiotic resistance to other bacteria in the surrounding environment. Composting it, for instance, cuts the total population of microbes in manure – which means fewer microbes carrying antibiotic resistance genes.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

To Farm or Not to Farm?

So many people have asked me before why I just don't start my own farm.  "Because it's too much work," I say.  If I did have my own farm, I would feel like I had no options.  I think that's the 26 year old talking in me - I'm not ready for permanent yet.  But there comes a time when you think, "Well, if I had my own farm, I wouldn't have to deal with X, Y, or Z.  Or A, or B, or C."

The future of my job is a little up in the air right now.  The CEO wants change - except he wants change right this minute.  This all started with the chickens (remember, the whole thing about the previous herdsperson not vaccinating them that led to Lakes and I killing 200 birds?)  Well, now all he is seeing is dollar signs.  Which is fine, except he is JUST now seeing dollar signs.  Where were those bubbles of signs floating when he created this place?  Long story short: the farm has never, ever, had a budget.  The farmers has never, ever, had to think money was an issue.  You fill out a purchase order, give it to the CEO, who approves it.  And he always approves it.  So how are we suppose to know anything?  He didn't want us to know anything.  And now we are all a little frightened of losing our jobs.

Hhhmm, I left one farm because there wasn't anyone making decisions.  Now I came to the farm where there is to many decisions by the wrong people...

But, to be honest, I'm not worried about myself.  I have a nice emergency fund in case I get the boot.  And I have some ideas of back up plans.  I really feel like the world is my oyster.  Continue farming.  Going to nursing school.  I'm so excited about the possibilities.

The dilemma I'm facing is whether to fight or to just move on.  At my old farm, I spent so much time fighting.  It's why I left, because there wasn't going to be any change.  And now I'm facing the same situation where I know there is not going to be any change (or at least I think so). And I don't think my heart is in it to fight.  I have learned so much here, and really feel like we could turn it into a fantastic program.  But the mission and vision is are not lining up.  We are suppose to raise healthy food for the residents, so their actual problems can be isolated and worked with without the side affects of a poor diet.  So if that's the goal, the mission, the vision, what can we do to keep it going?  Do we have to meet 100% needs?  Can we focus in one area - milk? Beef? Pork?  Can we sell our meat to increase our revenue? Or, can we make it a theraputic program, where the program is more dependent on resident involvement?  Because lets face it, it's not just about the food.  It's about the experiences, the changes the residents have gone through because they get to collect eggs, they get to feed the pigs.  They love it!  So, what are we doing here?

I have been asking myself that same question for the past couple of months.  What am I doing here?  I came here to get more experience as a manager.  And I have learned so much.  I just need to figure out if this is still the right place for me...

If anyone wants to tell me what to do, please, feel free.  

  

 

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Back Home

It's been a little crazy around here, so apologies of being M.I.A. With my cousin passing away, I tried to organize as much as I could for work and headed to Denver. The ceremony was so beautiful and so sad. 28 years old, two children, a wife, and 400 other people who he impressed in someway. I'm so grateful to have been a part if it all.

Moments like these always leave me reeling. Staying in better touch with people, showing people that I care, being with people I care about. And then leaving an impression on this world and people. Doing something for the greater good, in my own little way. Farming reminds me that I can do that. And lately my job has been making me feel a little mission-less. To many goals and not enough focus. But I hope this period we are going through will allow for some clarity, some goals, and a mission everyone can support.

Now back to NY, and excited to stay at home for a while - well for two weeks before heading to VT to see family. I can use a bit of a travel break. And no planes! So tired of them!


Saturday, February 2, 2013

Heart Break

“It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things.”
Lemony Snicket, Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid 


My cousin committed suicide last night.   I still can't comprehend it.  We were not close, but we did talk every now and then.  He lived in Colorado with his wife and two babies.

I am a person who always wants to have an answer, to know exactly what happen so my mind can grasp onto something, anything.  But the more that happens in life, the more I realize I can't dwell on finding the answers.  There have been so many events in the past 48 hours that have happened to me, where I know the answer is never going to be clear - Why a relationship doesn't work with one person, yet you see it working with another.  Why people make a decision that will affect everyone but themselves.  Why a mother pig kills her new born piglets.  Why people's lives end tragically, whether they choose it or not.  It's heart breaking.  But it can be even more heart breaking when you never find the answers you are looking for.  Acceptance, though difficult, is necessary.  Life doesn't give you answers, yet we must live it.

I hope you have been able to find peace Marcus.