Heart Break

“It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things.”
― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid 

My cousin committed suicide last night.   I still can't comprehend it.  We were not close, but we did talk every now and then.  He lived in Colorado with his wife and two babies.

I am a person who always wants to have an answer, to know exactly what happen so my mind can grasp onto something, anything.  But the more that happens in life, the more I realize I can't dwell on finding the answers.  There have been so many events in the past 48 hours that have happened to me, where I know the answer is never going to be clear - Why a relationship doesn't work with one person, yet you see it working with another.  Why people make a decision that will affect everyone but themselves.  Why a mother pig kills her new born piglets.  Why people's lives end tragically, whether they choose it or not.  It's heart breaking.  But it can be even more heart breaking when you never find the answers you are looking for.  Acceptance, though difficult, is necessary.  Life doesn't give you answers, yet we must live it.

I hope you have been able to find peace Marcus.