How Am I Trusting?
I've been dealing with some winter blues. After the holidays, I've really been missing my family and friends. I've been reaching out here in NY more, but I have not been feeling great connections with people. At the same time, I'm actually finding it hard to put energy into making those connections. Part of me is saying, "I have those connections already! I don't want to do it all over again!" But those connections are not in Sullivan County. They are in Albany, VT, MA, OH, HI, GA - everywhere but here. This is something that I have never felt before. When I'm with people I find I'm distracting myself and wanting to be at home. And when I'm at home, I feel as though I should be with people. Which is very different than wanting to be with people (which I do!) It's a very weird mix of emotions. But, after listening to Pema Chodron today, I need to trust the present moment. I can't do anything about yesterday no matter how much I long for it. And tomorrow will bring what tomorrow will bring, there's no way to control it. And, which I think is really important, is not telling myself that I'm falling backwards on my path of self-improvement, but that this is just a steeper part of the path. I can trust it'll flatten out again.
How Am I Grateful?
I am grateful this week for the Christmas present my brother and sister-in-law gave me. It's all about understanding your finances and how to control them. Corny, I know. But I have never understood any of my finances. All I know is that I have loans and I have to pay them off, and it's going to take 100 years to do. Then maybe after that I can buy a house or go on a big vacation. But this book is so easy to understand, and I feel like for the first time I can really do this - get out of debt in a reasonable time and invest in the future. I am grateful for light I've never seen before.
How Am Inspired?
I'm actually very inspired by my friends. The New Year brings new resolutions, and I enjoy reading what and how everyone is doing with them, whether it's diet, fitness, trying a new hobby, or really embracing each moment of life. All resolutions are struggles, but it seems like this year there are more people willing to try than I remember in the past. It inspires me to keep up my resolutions - my health, money, staying in touch with friends and family, taking the space I need from work to put 100% of myself into my job.
How Am I Practicing Faith?
I always feel like this goes along with "How Am I Trusting?" I think that I am practicing though, by feeling my feelings - not over analyzing why I feel disconnected from many people here, but just know that I do. Not over analyzing past relationships (which I have been doing recently for some reason I don't understand), but just working on telling myself that everything happens for a reason.
Happy Friday Everyone!
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