Second To Last

Tonight is my second to last night in this apartment.  In this area of NY (because who knows where I'll be going)!!  I'm going to miss my apartment.  It's been my favorite thing about my time here.  

Things are starting to come to a close.  I said goodbye to one of my supervisors tonight - I think I introduced him as Frenchy at one point in time.  I'm going to miss that man.  He was always supportive, and one of the only people where I felt like I could be myself around.  I'm sad, but I know I will stay in touch with him.  He gave me good advice, which is not to be afraid to not fight sometimes.  Part of me wanted to get a little defensive saying, "Do you know why I left!?" But I understood what he was saying - no matter where I go, I'm going to run into problems.  Sometimes you just have to judge and let them push you where you need to go.  I totally get that, and learned that a lot at The Farm.  It'll always be a part of life.
 
The other piece he said to me when I told him I was sad was that when you leave a place, no matter if you are happy or sad about it, there is a little piece of you that dies.  That hit home to me.  Because no matter how excited I am to leave this job and this town, no matter how much I know that I did the right thing for myself, there are people I'm going to miss.  There are parts of the job I'm going to miss.  There are hopes I had that didn't come true.  So a little piece of myself does die.  For some reason I think that's quite beautiful - proof of a heart.

Alligator Anyone?

I've never had alligator before.  But I'd be willing to try it!

Forget Fish Fridays: In Louisiana, Gator Is On The Lenten Menu

by Tina Antolini

Is it OK to eat alligator on Fridays during Lent? That question isn't just rhetorical in Louisiana, which has large populations of both Catholics and gators.

"Alligator's such a natural for New Orleans," says Jay Nix, owner of Parkway Bakery, which serves a mean alligator sausage po boy sandwich. "Alligator gumbo, jambalaya. I mean, it's a wonder that alligator isn't our mascot, you know?"

Catholics abstain from eating meat on Fridays during the time between Ash Wednesday and Easter, but seafood is allowed. Three years ago, when Jim Piculas was trying to settle a debate among his friends about whether gator qualified as seafood, he wrote a letter to the archbishop of New Orleans to ask.

His letter must have been pretty zealous, because not long after he wrote it, he got a response from Archbishop Gregory M. Aymond saying: "Yes, the alligator's considered in the fish family, and I agree with you — God has created a magnificent creature that is important to the state of Louisiana, and it is considered seafood."

Piculas wasn't just casually interested. He's an alligator wrangler at Insta-Gator Ranch and Hatchery in Covington, La., leading daily tours and showing folks the chirping babies. An extreme alligator enthusiast, he spouts facts about their dental prowess and gives the babies nicknames like "Lady Gaga."

Ever since the archbishop wrote to Piculas in 2010, the letter has been on the wall of the gift shop at Insta-Gator Ranch. This year, Piculas posted it on Facebook, and it went from being shared hundreds of times to making the news.

Articles on eating gator for Lent popped up everywhere, from CatholicFoodie.com to the Catholic News Agency. The extra gator marketing this Lenten season has been a welcome thing for Parkway and other restaurants in the city — like Cochon, with its fried alligator, and Jacques-Imo's, which serves alligator cheesecake.

Parkway's Nix says that in a culturally Catholic city like New Orleans — where even the nonreligious eat fish on Lenten Fridays — he gets slammed with seafood orders. And a bump in demand for gator might balance things out.

"Well, you would think that it would take some pressure off of our shrimp sales, because we could go through 3,400 pounds of shrimp a day," Nix says. "And so when Lent comes, it sort of gives us a little bit of the jitters."

But with all the gator fever, Archbishop Aymond has a reminder: Lent is about deprivation, remember?

"Abstinence and fasting is supposed to be a sacrifice," he said recently, speaking on member station WWNO. "Quite frankly — and I can say this because I'm from New Orleans — having to fulfill this law or this guideline ... of abstinence of meat on Friday is no sacrifice whatsoever. That's the reality of it."
In New Orleans, it might take going vegetarian for Catholics to really feel deprived.

Forget Fish Fridays

Six More Days

I've been feeling pretty moody lately.  Lakes left Wednesday, and he'll be on his new adventure tomorrow.  Meanwhile, I'm just going between happiness, frustration, nervousness, and sadness.  All because I'm leaving.  I'm happy that I'm leaving, I'm frustrated at the way "corporate" is so clueless at running this place, and are continuing to be totally dysfunctional and unrealistic.  I'm nervous because I don't really have a clue at where I'm going a week from today.  And I'm sad because I had a lot of hope for this place.  I had a lot of hope for my job, of meeting new people, of potentially meeting a guy I'd be with for a while.  But, it turns out life usually has it's own plans, no matter how hard you wish for something.  

I forced myself to work out today.  And I felt so much better.  After all, I'm planning on playing rugby, I have to get back into some sort of shape!  Even while I was driving over to work out, a smile came to my face.  I pushed my self hard today and it felt wonderful.  I was able to come home and do some packing and feel a little more motivated than I have in a while.  I'm pretty done with work.  But I have 6 more days.  And then who knows.

I have an interview next Wednesday to be an assistant manager at a beekeeping company in Schenectady.  I'm really excited about it!  It does not offer health insurance, but I have done some research and think I'll be able to afford some.  It would allow me to be in Albany near my team, play rugby, and just do a job that's different.  It's from 8:00 to 4:30 too!!  Woah, can you imagine!?  I have not heard from The Ranch.  Maybe next week?

I have decided though that after this week is done, I'm doing something for myself.  Pedicure!? Getting my hair done? Getting my ear pierced, which I have been thinking about for a long time?  I can't do anything super expensive, but I want to do something special for myself.  Who doesn't deserve it?

Also, have you seen the movie "Last Holiday" with Queen Latifah? It's actually really good!  It was a good pick me up, something that I needed. 

    

Interview

I'm in VT right now for an interview at a very similar program to The Farm in MA. We'll call it The Ranch instead. It's a good place. Different yet similar to The Farm. I believe The Farm has a stronger work program for the clients they serve, but unfortunately doesn't have the best leadership to really make it successful for the type of clients. The Ranch definitely has the support, and I really think I could bring a lot to the farm program. I'm applying for the Farm Manager position. They have pigs, some sheep, some beef cows, and some chickens. But I believe there could be more. They could breed their own pigs instead of buying them. They could have more chickens so there are more eggs. They could be pastures instead of kept in a tiny coop. For Pete's sake, there could be a dairy! I think a dairy is one if the best farm jobs for a therapeutic community. It offers rhythm, it offers a bond between people and animal. It builds commitment because the cows have to get milked, and you always see an immediate result. It's a lot of money, but that was one of The Farm's weaknesses, in my opinion. That program could have been utilized more as therapy.

So we shall see. I'm excited about it. It brings me back home. I'm 2 hours from rugby, but I'd have the flexibility to play. I know I have said I want to become a nurse, but I'd also have the flexibility to do that here.

I have another day of interviewing tomorrow. We'll see. I have not heard from any of the jobs in Albany yet. Hopefully I'll hear from something!!

Oh! The greatest thing about this place, is that I'll have friends again! A relationship with someone other than my cat that doesn't have to be over the phone or Internet!! Woo woo!!

Off to dinner!

The Job Search

Since I have officially handed in my resignation, now comes the job search.  I've been throwing out resumes and job applications like crazy.  It's a little scary.  What can I do?  What do I want to do?  How do I persuade people that I am qualified for the job when my entire background has been farming?  

I believe right now I want to take a break from farming.  I know - what's the name of this blog after all!?  But my last two farming experiences haven't been disasters, but I'd like a break.  A chance to have a job that has some set hours.  A chance to not take my job home with me at night.  And, the chance to pursue another dream.  I have a job interview at a farming situation pretty similar to what I did in MA at The Farm.  And it's only 40 minutes away from Mom and Dad.  But I'm not sure if that's what I want to do.  I really would like to go to Albany for a while, play rugby, and take the classes I need to pursue a career in nursing.  I can see myself farming, but not forever.  Nursing has been in my mind for a very long time - I almost switched majors in undergrad.  But I was already so far into my Animal Science path I stuck with it, and just kept going.  I have not regretted it, it's what I wanted to do, I have a passion for it still.  Before I left The Farm, I was about to start taking some classes for nursing, but this job at Thanksgiving Farm came along.  Unfortunately it did not turn out the way I had hoped.  But I can only take it as a sign that I need to pursue nursing.  I can see myself nursing for a long time.

I'm still going to the interview on Monday and Tuesday with an open mind and heart.  I don't know what to expect from the community there.  Who knows, that could be where I need to be...   

I'm definitely practicing my TGIF - I'm trusting that nursing is the career I want to pursue.  I'm grateful for the supportive friends and family who are helping me look for jobs and offering me a place to stay when I'm done in NY.  I'm inspired by how I learned my limits and have applied them to what has been happening with my current job.  So instead of beating myself into the ground trying to make something work that wasn't going too, I'm recognizing that fact, and moving on.  And I'm practicing faith because I have NO IDEA what's going to happen to me, where I'm going to go in exactly two weeks from today.  

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the staircase."

Directions

Things around here are absolutely nuts.  I started telling people today that I'm resigning.  People are not happy.  They can't believe the situation I was being put in.  It's wonderful to have people's support.

This was my horoscope today, that I read tonight after work:

"Your ego should be strengthened by your emotions, and vice versa, today. Be yourself in every capacity and situation, Gemini. Things should flow quite smoothly for you as long as you keep the energy moving within you. Share your feelings honestly with others and you will find that your inner vitality strengthens. No one will be able to speak against words that come straight from your heart." 

That's EXACTLY how I felt today.  I have felt a weight lifted off my shoulders.  I felt so good today, like myself again.  It's amazing what one place, person, or event can turn you into.

I hope I one day find a job where I'm happy.  I was talking to a friend the other day, and she stated that I have had one horrible year: a bad breakup, hitting walls at my old farm, leaving everything I knew to move to a place where it just crashed and burned in a matter of days.  It has been a hard year.  I guess I hadn't thought about it so much.  But it's not going to hold me back.  Another possibility came up today from another friend, and I'll find out more on Wednesday.

What does the world hold for me?  What direction should I be heading in?  I suppose I cannot answer that question until I know what the directions are.

 

Crash

I think everyone knows that things have been rough and unsteady here for a while.  Tomorrow marks the start of my 8th month, and I have to say, that I'm leaving Thanksgiving Farm.  I have unfortunately been pushed out onto an limb - Lakes had put his resignation in and his last day is March 20th.  Peru also leaves at the end of the month, so it is just me.  I cannot get a concrete answer on when/if I'm going to get help again.  And they are not replacing Lake's position.  I can't work here without an assistant.  I would not be able to leave.  Ever.  I'm not going to let whoever would come be by themselves:  1) because I'm a good manager and wouldn't want 206 animals on someone's shoulders, and 2) if something were to happen and I was away, it would be all blamed on me.  

The house that I was also promised has been taken away, and I'd be moving to this little apartment that's attached to a residents' house and would have to share the washer and dryer with them.  The apartment is right on the farm - no space from anything or anyone. 

Lastly, I am no longer on the dairy project.  The CEO wants to hire someone else, someone else with more experience.  He would then be my boss - which knocks me down to assistant.  That broke my heart.  I left everything to come here to start this dairy.  I knew I didn't have the experience, but I trusted that the CEO and my boss knew that, but trusted me, and understood they had to support me in this.  But that they wanted to invest.

So, what does the future hold for me? I don't know.  There are a couple of bright spots on the horizon, one that could lead me back to my home soil.  The other, not as bright as the other right now could lead me to a whole new career.  

The world is my oyster.  It really is.  For the first time in my life, I really do not have  a concrete plan.  It's scary.  But I just have to take it one day at a time.  So, please let me know if you know of any jobs I could apply for!  I have my resume in tip-top shape at the moment :)

 

A Machete and Ham...?

Last night I had a dream.  A weird dream.  I think I may have been dead.  I definitely was invisible to everyone around me.  I feel like in the dream I knew I was dead, but I was trying to fight well, death.  Death was this weird Asian man, who kind of reminded me of Jack Sparrow.  He had beat my sister (but definitely wasn't my real sister), but I knew that I had to beat him.  They had been fighting with machetes.  I hugged my sister and then picked up the machete and just practiced, got in shape, I knew how to fight.  I was just running around waving this machete.  Anyway, I then was at the grocery store, and all the cashier had was ham, bagging it up (I think that was because we had ham for lunch yesterday).  Then I got stuck in the the double glass doors and I knew that the weird Asian Death Man was coming.  But then I woke up. 

What the crap was that!?

So I looked up ham and machete.  This is what I found:

"To see a machete on the ground before you indicates an opportunity to make a positive step towards personal fulfillment. You must summon the courage to pick it up." (http://www.dreamforth.com/dream/machete.html)

 








  "To dream about hams suggests that you are dealing with some tough emotional issues at the moment.  This symbol can also be a metaphor for wishing you had more attention bestowed upon you." (http://www.dreamforth.com/dream/ham.html)





Well, I can tell you that I am dealing with some tough emotional issues.  I guess in some way I am wishing I had more attention on me.  The CEO at this company I'm working at barely acknowledges I exist.  It's frustrating and half the time I wonder why I'm even here.  And now the CEO is baiting me, telling me that my house that was suppose to be ready last fall will be ready in a week.  Seriously? (that's sarcastic)   

To stay or to go?  Do I make other dreams into goals?  Do I continue this job?  Do I proceed with another path that could change the way I feel about farming?  I'm starting to loose a faith in this field.  I've been trying for years to find happiness at farming.  And at first it goes wonderfully.  But then, things out of my control just start to break my heart again.  I know that's life, things are always out of your control.  But do I sit and take the CEO treating me like I'm not the manager?  Or my own direct boss?  I spent so much time fighting at my old job, I don't know if I have the heart to do it again...

But I picked up the machete after I hugged my sister.  So, will I make the right decision in my career that fills me personally?  I wish the dream just told me what that decision was suppose to be.